If You’re Extremely Detached

This blog continues the discussion of “Extremely Detached People.” To read it, click here

Recommendations For Extremely Detached People.

 Loosen up. Accept the obvious reality that negotiations are often illogical, that there are gaming elements, that emotions and “irrational” factors frequently and inescapably affect many negotiations.

Build on your natural strengths, but adjust to the problems your personal style creates. Accept the fact that most people like rituals, so do them. It doesn’t cost that much time or energy to have a long handshake, make small talk, and take other actions that will create a relaxed atmosphere.

The mutual concessions ritual is – by an enormous margin – the most important one. Ignore your discomfort and perform it. Otherwise, many people will believe that you refuse to bargain in good faith.

More generally, try to tune in to people. Go beyond the facts and figures, and try to understand what they want and why they are acting this way.

If they like to bargain, suppress your natural tendency to make reasonable offers, then stay at or near them. Position yourself by making a first offer that gives you enough room to swap concessions.

Try to put together deals that satisfy both sides, including their personal and political motives. You may not care about those motives, but they do.

Continue to plan thoroughly, but build some flexibility into your plans. “If they do this, I’ll do that. But, if they object to this position, I will….”

Apply the MSP concept. Set a firm Minimum or Maximum Settlement Point based on your economics and other factors, and commit to it with someone important such as your boss. Then explore the bargaining range for creative win/win alternatives. Doing so will help you to resist the pressures to take a narrow approach.

During the negotiation show a lot more flexibility. Set your plans aside temporarily and focus on what both sides want to accomplish. Then openly consider a variety of acceptable solutions and resist your natural tendency to stick to the one best solution. Most people are much less logical than you are, and some solutions can seem illogical and still work. Negotiations, by definition, include ambiguous areas. When necessary, seek or accept a solution that’s less than ideal, but still satisfies both parties’ major objectives.

If possible, consider completely new ways to put the deal together. Since you naturally dislike rushing into areas you haven’t analyzed, get their ideas about other ways to structure the deal, then break to analyze their proposal. Perhaps you’ll be surprised: Their approach may be better than yours, and some combination of the two may be even better.

Above all, accept that negotiations are between people, not computers, and work on that personal dimension.

You can view a free video, “The Negotiating Process,” by clicking here.

You can rent a video about negotiating styles for $1.99 by clicking here.

If You’re Extremely Dominant

This blog continues the discussion of “Extremely Dominant People.” To read it, click here. 

Recommendations For Extremely Dominant People.

Lighten up. Don’t push so hard. And concentrate on understanding the other side. These themes interact with each other because your obsession with winning may prevent you from understanding, or even trying to understand them. All our recommendations relate to these themes. Build on your natural strengths, but adjust to your personal style’s negative effects.

Don’t make everything into a battle. Focus on the important ones, and let other people win a few.

Work on listening better. Remember, understanding other people is the single most important negotiating skill. Listen with your eyes as well as your ears, and try to understand more than just their negotiating positions. Look for signs that you’re pushing too hard, that they are becoming unnecessarily uncomfortable, stubborn or thinking of walking out. Try to understand how they feel and what they want from you besides just a good deal.

Be more flexible. Make your offers a little more reasonable, your concessions a little larger, and your compromises less grudging. Make them want to concede instead of creating unnecessary rigidity. Don’t make the Law of Irrationality work against you.

Don’t overemphasize pure bargaining. Look for problem-solving and trading opportunities. How can you structure a deal that satisfies both parties?

Continuously remind yourself of the importance of letting them save face; then make a concession or take whatever other action will make them feel better.

Above all, try for a greater emphasis upon win-win.

You can view a free video, “The Negotiating Process,” by clicking here.

You can rent a video about negotiating styles for $1.99 by clicking here.

Trial Lawyers vs Scientists

By Dr. Al Schoonmaker

They generally dislike each other because they think very differently. Trial lawyers are dominant, and scientists are detached. For descriptions of extremely detached and dominant people click on a blog title on this page.

Dominants generally regard detached people as “bean counters,” regardless of their credentials or authority. Detached people often regard dominants as emotional, illogical bullies. The conflict between them is illustrated by the extreme differences in the way they handle evidence.

Detached people handle evidence objectively. They want to determine the truth.

They draw their conclusions after examining the evidence, and they try very hard to ensure that the evidence and the way it is analyzed are not biased.

They understand that everybody has biases, and they use procedures to minimize the effects of their own and other people’s biases: randomized samples, control groups, double-blind experiments, and peer-reviewed journals. If a scientist is presented with solid evidence that proves that his position is wrong, he will accept that evidence and admit his mistake.

Dominant people handle evidence subjectively. They don’t care much or at all about the truth. They just want is to win.

They begin with a conclusion: my side is right, and then they do everything they can to win. They rarely admit mistakes, and they sneer at objectivity.

Criminal jury trials are the perfect example of their contempt for objectivity. Prosecutors and defense attorneys aren’t there to determine the truth about guilt or innocence. They are there to win, and the only thing they care about is the verdict:

He’s guilty.

He’s innocent.

They try very hard to get juries that are biased in their favor. They do background checks, cross-examine potential jurors, and use jury consultants to find people with biases that favor them.

Before the trial begins, defense attorneys frequently file motions to suppress evidence that weakens their case. It may be convincing proof of guilt, but they often get it suppressed. During the trial both sides try very hard to convince the jury that their evidence is correct, and they twist the meaning of the other side’s evidence.

If a defense attorney wins an acquittal for an obviously guilty client by suppressing or distorting evidence, he’s done his job well, and other attorneys will congratulate him. If a scientist handled evidence that way, other scientists would severely criticize him.

You may think that only criminal defense lawyers act so unethically, but you’d be wrong. Prosecutors aren’t as bad, but they frequently violate the law or legal procedures to get a conviction. A Google search for the legal term, “prosecutorial misconduct” got 331,000 hits. A search for the more common words, “prosecutors’ misconduct” got 2,430,000 hits.

My friend, Jim Brier, emailed that defense attorneys must rely on suppressing evidence, etc. because the prosecution has immensely greater resources. I agree about the resources-imbalance, but it doesn’t affect the central issue: Neither attorney is at all objective about the evidence. They just want to win.

To learn more about how thinking styles affect negotiations and many other issues, read the final chapter of my forthcoming book, Negotiate to Win: Gaining the Psychological Edge, 2nd Edition. For a free copy, click here.

To see my negotiating videos, click here.

What Price Career Myopia?

by Alan N. Schoonmaker, Ph.D

For graduating MBAs, their first job holds promise of challenging responsibilities and, hopefully, attractive rewards for deft application of their management talents. But job No. 1 is only the “kick off.” For the excitement to last, the graduates’ focus should reach well beyond their first position. Career planning is not an exercise to postpone.

VIRTUALLY all of your MBA training has been designed to help you do your job well and increase your value to an organization. You have been taught the basic principles of marketing, finance, corporate planning, communication, and supervision. Judging by the high demand for MBA’s, most of you can successfully apply these principles.

This article deals with a very different topic, one which was largely overlooked in graduate school—how to get the most out of your career, how to control and get what you want from it. It is concerned with the rewards you get from an organization—not the contributions you make to it.

 

Don’t Be Too Timid To Bargain

Don’t Be Too Timid To Bargain

These simple negotiating techniques can help you save money on almost everything

By Donald And Dorothy Stroetzel

THE SALESMAN SQUINTS at the price tag. “This refrigerator will cost you $859.99,” he says. You wince; the most you want to pay is $700. What do you do? Do you tell yourself that $159.99 isn’t really that much and pull out your credit card? Or, do you muster your courage, look the salesman in the eye and ask, “Will you take less?”

“Those four- words can save a family hundreds, even thousands, of dollars a year,” claims Alan Schoonmaker, a New Jersey psychologist who coaches business negotiators for Control Data, Mobil Oil, and other large corporations.

Prices of many family purchases—actually the biggest ones—are negotiable. Yet most people are too timid to try it. Here, from Schoonmaker and other experts, are tips to help you bargain your way to savings:

 

 

 

 

ESP = BS

ESP[1] (extra-sensory perception), premonitions, omens, lucky cards, favorite dealers, changing seats or decks, prayers, and every other attempt to predict or control cards are utter, absolute nonsense. Whenever I say that, people offer “proof” that I’m wrong, usually anecdotes about amazing, inexplicable events.

They had a hunch that a miracle card would come, and they got it! They were convinced they were going to win tonight, and they won! They changed decks or seats, and they went from cold to hot! They always lose when Joe deals, but always win when Mary does. How else can I explain these amazing events?

Extremely Dependent People

Elizabeth Taylor, Mickey Rooney, and many other people who marry repeatedly illustrate extreme dependence. They are so desperate for love and acceptance that they can never get enough of it. They change mates again and again, hoping that someone, somewhere, will fill that aching void.

Jimmy Carter was – by a huge margin – the most dependent recent president. Of course, he could never have become president without considerable dominance, but he had many extremely dependent characteristics. Instead of leading forcefully, he was deliberately self-effacing (smiling constantly, carrying his own luggage, walking at his inauguration, asking to be called, “Jimmy”), and he pleaded for understanding and affection from us, our allies, even the Soviets. He also illustrated some of dependency’s positive effects. After years of war, Nixon, and Watergate, we needed a decent, warmer president who inspired trust and openness.

General Characteristics: They crave people’s love, acceptance, understanding, and approval. They can’t feel good about themselves unless people like them. They really are dependent upon others’ feelings about them.

If You’re Too Dominant

Recommendations For Extremely Dominant People.

This blog continues the discussion of “Extremely Dominant People.” To read it, click here

Lighten up. Don’t push so hard. And concentrate on understanding the other side. These themes interact with each other because your obsession with winning may prevent you from understanding, or even trying to understand them. All our recommendations relate to these themes. Build on your natural strengths, but adjust to your personal style’s negative effects.

Don’t make everything into a battle. Focus on the important ones, and let other people win a few.

Work on listening better. Remember, understanding other people is the single most important negotiating skill. Listen with your eyes as well as your ears, and try to understand more than just their negotiating positions. Look for signs that you’re pushing too hard, that they are becoming unnecessarily uncomfortable, stubborn or thinking of walking out. Try to understand how they feel and what they want from you besides just a good deal.

Be more flexible. Make your offers a little more reasonable, your concessions a little larger, and your compromises less grudging. Make them want to concede instead of creating unnecessary rigidity. Don’t make the Law of Irrationality work against you.

Don’t overemphasize pure bargaining. Look for problem-solving and trading opportunities. How can you structure a deal that satisfies both parties?

Continuously remind yourself of the importance of letting them save face; then make a concession or take whatever other action will make them feel better.

Above all, try for a greater emphasis upon win-win.

You can view a free video, “The Negotiating Process,” by clicking  here.

You can rent a video about negotiating styles for $1.99 by clicking  here

Extremely Detached People

Recommendations for Detached People

Because extremely detached people shun publicity, we don’t know much about them. We have all met highly detached accountants and engineers, but they don’t reveal personal information. Nor can we get much from other sources. People magazine doesn’t write about them (and they would be horrified if it did). Two excellent examples are fictional characters from another planet, Spock and Data of “Star Trek” (“I have no emotions.”).

General Characteristics: They like things, ideas, or numbers more than people. They don’t understand emotions and try to avoid them; they suppress their own emotions and are insensitive to other people’s feelings. They are shy, aloof, impersonal, and uncommunicative. Because they’re so indifferent to emotions, many people regard them as cold and uncaring, and that criticism is often justified.

They like order and predictability. Their desks, homes, offices and checkbooks are neatly arranged, and they often have tightly-controlled routines and schedules. One reason for avoiding people is that they are not as orderly and predictable as numbers or machines.

They are independent, but in a different way from dominants. They have even less need for warm relationship, but they don’t flaunt authority. They accept the impersonal authority of rules and procedures (at least those that make sense to them), but avoid people who attempt to control them directly.

Extremely Dominant People

Because dominant people crave power and success, which often bring fame or notoriety, there are many prominent examples: John Wayne, General Patton, football coach Vince Lombard! (“Winning isn’t the most important thing; it is everything.”), N.Y. Yankees’ owner George Steinbrenner (One of his limited partners once said, “Nobody is more limited than his limited partners.”), Donald Trump (“You’re fired!).

General Characteristics: They nearly always push and take control. They are excessively competitive and must win at everything. Business, golf, even cocktail parties are con­tests. They need to make more money, have a lower handicap, and score more points at parties. As Donald Trump put it, “My whole life is about winning… I almost never lose.”

Status-consciousness is a natural part of their competitiveness. When they meet a stranger, they want to know: “Am I better than he is? Do I make more money, own a larger house, play better golf? Is my spouse better looking? Are my children smarter?”

They are ambitious, tough, aggressive, manipulative, overbearing, closed-minded, and anti-intellectual.

 

You can view a free video, “The Negotiating Process,” by clicking  here.

You can rent a video about negotiating styles for $1.99 by clicking  here.